There are two types of tired….
One when you need rest and one when you need peace.
Just days after my 35th birthday tragedy begin to strike my family.
On Sept. 8, 2021, my Grandfather, whom I called Dad passed away from kidney failure.
On Sept. 13, 2021, my father in law who treated me like a daughter passed away from covid pneumonia.
Both of these men fought for years to live.
They each shaped a piece of who I am today.
They were competing with different men. Matter of fact their lives, thoughts, and beliefs were on opposite ends of the spectrum.
For many loss can be difficult.
Some cry tears of joy.
Some cry tears of sorrow.
Some process by using sources like food, alcohol, and substances to fill the void.
BUT THAN, there are those who go cold and feel numb.
You want to cry but you don’t. At least not around others and often time not much.
You want to comfort those around you with a hug, but you don’t.
You may even find yourself saying…….,
“What is wrong with me?”
“I’m just not a loving person.”
“Showing affection is not my thing. “
“What if I hug them, but they don’t want to be hugged?”
If this is you, and you feel that friction of wanting to do something but end up doing what you always do in this situation, YOU NEED TO READ THIS!
NOTHING!!! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is wrong with you!
It is just what you process in your own way, however, this type of reaction can help identify some self-sabotaging behavior that may be showing up for you in other areas of your life.
In other areas of your life, do you find yourself asking for reassurance with your decisions?
Do you find it difficult to make decisions on your own without first asking the opinions of others?
You see feeling cold & numb during grief is a sign that you lack vulnerability & self-sufficiency.
Vulnerability is a way of connecting with another individual. However, if you were raised in an environment that showed little to no physical affection, was distant or neglectful. Or like my grandfather taught me, “stop crying.” You condition yourself to naturally become distant as a safety mechanism. When it occurred the first time you were made to feel embarrassed, weak, stupid.
These emotions of embarrassment, weakness,s, and stupidity cultivated a subconscious coping mechanism of looking for validation to make sure you are doing, saying, and being the right way.
Creating a lack of self-sufficiency in being able to make decisions on your own without the input of others.
Now you are probably thinking, “I just ask for help. It’s no big deal.”
Sure, asking for help is no big deal. But are you asking for help or are you asking for validation in decisions? Those are two different things.
Asking for help would be asking for them to take something on that you cant manage to do.
Asking for validation is asking their opinion on something you felt good about, but then questions yourself on.
Asking for validation is also a way for some to refer to blame & failure. Asking for validation means that subconsciously you can say that it happened because so and so said you should.
I know, we just went deep.
So to sum it all up…
Feeling cold & numb during a loss can be an indicator that you lack or have a hard time with vulnerability. Often time lack of vulnerability can lead to a lack of self-sufficiency.
Lack of self-sufficiency can make it difficult to reach your goals because you require validation for your decisions.
When you can’t find validation, decisions tend not to be made and when decisions are not made, neither is progress towards your success.
So if you feel like you need to give someone a hug, do your best to fight through and give them a hug. Even if it feels super uncomfortable.
And do your best to make decisions without asking for opinions. Find your voice.
Break the cycle of not believing in yourself.